Get Out Of The Way.

GET OUT OF THE WAY.

A couple of days ago, someone offered me an opportunity that would have made a huge difference to my life and given me the chance to live with more freedom. As I was processing this offer I heard myself automatically begin to speak about all the reasons why I couldn’t have this opportunity and one part of my mind was actively shoving forward an old belief system about how there must be a catch or it was inevitable that something bad would happen because something bad usually did AND there was another voice listening to all of this that was flabbergasted listening to the words coming out of my mouth and shouting very loudly, ‘what the duck are you doing?! Shut up! Stop!’.

I wasn’t a good example that day of how to encourage people to be open to new ideas, opportunities and taking a chance on happiness – especially when that offer is being presented to them on a plate.

Working in the healing industry what we often don’t speak about is the need to continue to work on ourselves as therapists and healers. It goes without saying that the only way you can work authentically with others is if you are truthful about any guidance that you give people and that this is based on action you have already applied to your own life or things that you would be prepared to do yourself, so I was angry and upset with myself afterwards.

On a positive note, what it really offered me was another chance to learn something. The bottom line is that we’re all constantly learning. Life can be joyful – personally I feel joy when I’m out in nature or when I’m sitting in the garden looking at the stars at night when it’s quiet because those are the times I can actually connect with the natural world and appreciate how beautiful it is and therefore feel blessed for having a human life. Or going to the cinema or for a meal with my children and spending time with people that I love. But life is also work. Our brains are still playing catch-up with the huge advancements in technology and lifestyle that have happened over the past 60 years so trying to put attention and effort into processing our emotions isn’t something that we’re taught to prioritize though it has become more relevant since I first began working in the healing industry nearly 20 years ago.

Our subconscious mind is the motivational force for virtually every action and decision that we make. And some of it’s programming comes from patterns and beliefs that were created during childhood when we were marinated to the bone by the type of care we received from our caregivers and the environment we grew up in. Those beliefs are so hard to destroy that it’s often necessary to keep revisiting them each time they pop up and cause more disruption in our lives – which they inevitably do.

My self-sabotaging beliefs are that I struggle to believe that I’m worthy of receiving something good that could bring me joy and that if I were to be given something good, a bad thing would happen and would take it away from me. So frequently I get in my own way when someone tries to offer me something and end up refusing it in an effort to avoid the inevitable disappointment or pain that’s sure to come my way.

I’ve been aware that this is an issue I have for a very long time but haven’t truly done a great deal of work on it but in view of the conversation I had 2 days ago I saw it in action without the usual delay of only seeing it afterwards and made three decisions;

1 Ring the person back and say yes!

2 Get some help and do the work to change this pattern.

3 GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY.

My job isn’t just something I love – it’s based on the entirety of my experiences that have required healing and situations I’ve learned to navigate my way through. I try to speak as openly as I feel able to about these experiences, usually if people ask me questions because I don’t think it’s helpful or healthy for my ego to encourage people to believe that I know everything, have overcome everything and am a fully healed individual. I’m a work in progress, just the same as everyone else, and I work in this industry because I don’t like to see people suffering, I know what pain feels like and I also know it is possible to come back from some of the worst experiences and be able to appreciate joy, good relationships, abundance and pleasure. I also get enjoyment out of seeing people recover and be happy. There’s nothing better than being around someone who’s smiling and enjoying their life. So my job has personal benefits for me as well because I get to share in that good energy with them.

If you’re aware that you’re self-sabotaging, first notice this behaviour then ask yourself the following questions:

• When you say ‘no’ to something – where is that ‘no’ coming from? Is it based on choice or is it a preventative measure to avoid consequences that you fear may happen based on past belief systems and programmed thinking?

• If it’s based on your own personal version of Murphy’s Law – ‘anything that can go wrong will go wrong’ - where is there hard evidence for your worst fears coming true? We can use all sorts of imaginings to justify a negative belief system but we can’t argue with hard-facts and logic.

• If your ‘no’ is coming from a choice that aligns with you, then this is probably a healthy no and is about boundaries in which case it’s a good ‘no’.

• If your ‘no’ is a choice based on stalling forward movement in an attempt to prevent an inevitable series of consequences then this can also be a relatively healthy ‘no’ but use the time you’ve bought to actively work on your circumstances in order to change something.

In my own case I’m going to take Richard Branson’s advice, “If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later.”

Gina X